It's a thin line between love and hate....

Enchanted....

I think I was enchanted by Emily Dickinson

I think I was enchanted

When first a sombre Girl --

I read that Foreign Lady --

The Dark -- felt beautiful --

And whether it was noon at night --

Or only Heaven -- at Noon --

For very Lunacy of Light

I had not power to tell --

Not...Kissing you goodbye

Cut yourself in conversation
Cut the line to make me feel alive
'Cuz you know I'm not alive

And leave me with your complications
Take your life, you feel like taking mine
Meeting god we stand in line, not alone

Nowhere to go, I'm not leaving
Not going, I'm not kissing you goodbye
On my own, I'm nothing
Just bleeding, I'm not kissing you goodbye

Trust to take the right to leave me
Waiting under dark clouds for the rain
Praying lightning strikes a change
As history gets lost and
As I took that final breath I felt alive
Meeting god to stand in line, all alone

Nowhere to go, I'm not leaving
Not going, I'm not kissing you goodbye
On my own, I'm nothing
Just bleeding, I'm not kissing you goodbye

Don’t let me go, don’t say good bye
'Cuz you know that I'm not alive
Don’t let me go, don’t say good bye
Don’t let this love die
Don’t let me go, don’t say good bye
(Cut yourself in conversation
Cut the line to make me feel alive)
'Cuz you know that I'm not alive
Don’t let me go, don’t say good bye
(And leave me with your complications
Take your life, you feel like taking mine)
Don’t let this love die

Nowhere to go, I'm not leaving
Not going, I'm not kissing you goodbye
On my own, I'm nothing
Just bleeding, I'm not kissing you goodbye

I'm not kissing you goodbye
I'm not kissing you goodbye

I'mma get your heart racing
In my skin tights jeans
Be your teenage dream tonight

You can close your eyes to the things you do not want to see, but you cannot close your heart to the things you do not want to feel.

I Do Not Love You Except Because I Love You

I Do Not Love You Except Because I Love You

I do not love you except because I love you;
I go from loving to not loving you,
From waiting to not waiting for you
My heart moves from cold to fire.

I love you only because it's you the one I love;
I hate you deeply, and hating you
Bend to you, and the measure of my changing love for you
Is that I do not see you but love you blindly.

Maybe January light will consume
My heart with its cruel
Ray, stealing my key to true calm.

In this part of the story I am the one who
Dies, the only one, and I will die of love because I love you,
Because I love you, Love, in fire and blood.

 

 

“I have found the paradox, that if you love until it hurts, there can be no more hurt, only more love.” ~ Mother Teresa

"Until It Beats No More"

I was down for the count
Feeling like I've come to the end
Nothing really mattered
Nothing left for me to meant

And then you came
And I still couldn't see
Til you tore down every wall in me
How you healed me with your patience
If it's all I ever do
I never stop loving you

[Chorus:]
Cuz I'm alive, I can breathe, I can feel, I believe
And there ain't no doubt about it, there ain't no doubt about it
I'm in love
And it's all because of you
I was fading but you pulled me through
I'm awake, I survived, I was hurt, thought I'd die
And there ain't no doubt about it
It's love and I have found it
Feel the beat again, stronger than before
I'm gonna give you my heart until it beats no more

I was in place full of pain
With a broken down heart in despair
He took away my feelings
And made it hard for me to care
But then you crashed through the door, to my soul
Put back all the pieces and made me home
I was living in the past
Now I'm never looking back, I'm never looking back

[Chorus:]
Cuz I'm alive, I can breathe, I can feel, I believe
And there ain't no doubt about it, there ain't no doubt about it
I'm in love
And it's all because of you
I was fading but you pulled me through
I'm awake, I survived, I was hurt, thought I'd die
And there ain't no doubt about it
It's love and I have found it
Feel the beat again, stronger than before
I'm gonna give you my heart until it beats no more

Whatever you want me to
I'm gonna see you through
All I ever do
Never stop loving you

[Chorus:]
Cuz I'm alive, I can breathe, I can feel, I believe
And there ain't no doubt about it, there ain't no doubt about it
I'm in love
And it's all because of you
I was fading but you pulled me through
I'm awake, I survived, I was hurt, thought I'd die
And there ain't no doubt about it
(There's just no doubt)
I'm much stronger
So much stronger than before
I'm gonna give u my heart
Until it beats no more

Love is....

Jar of Hearts

Today I was listening to a song by Christina Perri called “Jar of Hearts.”  Every now and then I stumble across a song that knocks me for a loop – it snatches up a feeling or a memory from somewhere inside that I’ve forgotten about (or have been pretending to) and I feel like a doll coming apart at the seams.  Do you have a song like that – one that takes one of the most emotionally intense times of your life and compresses all that feeling into 4 minutes of sound?  “Jar of Hearts” is one of those songs for me, and I started thinking about how invaluable that kind of song can be.   I like to think I’m pretty good at expressing myself, but no matter what I’m thinking or feeling, it seems that someone else has also thought it or felt it and managed to express it in the way I would if I knew how…and it’s the most wonderful feeling of catharsis.  I wasn’t able to say it, but someone else was, and that’s just as good.
There was a boy.  I loved him like I’ve never loved anything or anyone else.  It ended very, very badly.  When the dust finally settled, I was convinced I’d never be all right again.  I was always going to hurt, was always going to be sad, would never find a way to be at peace with it.  He did things that nobody has the right to do to another person, and in the months I spent sifting through the fallout, he had the temerity to try to remain part of my life, and over and over again I found myself wanting to hunt him down, grab him by the collar and scream “Who the hell do you think you are?” I’ve since learned that I won’t always hurt, I won’t always be sad, I will find a way to be at peace with it, and most importantly, it doesn’t matter who the hell he thinks he is.  But “Jar of Hearts” is about that “who do you think you are?” feeling, and it brings me back to it in an instant….and it’s funny, because it’s not a bad thing.  I’ve been listening to it over and over again.  It seems counterproductive to listen to a song that makes you feel sad, but we all do it.  I think we’ve all put on “Everybody Hurts” or something similar when we’re feeling particularly sorry for ourselves, and strangely, we feel better afterward.  Why is that?  Because it’s reassurance that someone else has felt the same way, and not only that, they’ve also turned it into something beautiful.  That last bit is the important part for me.  There a lot of really lovely songs (and poems, and books, and art) about really ugly things.  I think that turning something ugly into something beautiful is just about the strongest thing a person can do—downright heroic, in fact—and it makes me feel better about the world to know that there are people out there doing it.  So in a circuitous sort of way, the songs that make me feel like a doll coming apart at the seams actually manage, when all’s said and done, to sew me back together again.

A graphical way of depicting love as an equation......

I love you....

You see the pieces of me...

 I may hate myself in the morning But I'm gonna love you tonight.

''Falling in love with someone isn't always going to be easy... Anger... tears... laughter.. It's when you want to be together despite it all. That's when you truly love another. I'm sure of it''.

''It’s been a long time since I came around
Been a long time but I’m back in town
This time I’m not leaving without you''.

''Fire and ice, somehow existing together without destroying each other''.

Todays Song

"White Horse"
Say you're sorry
That face of an angel
Comes out just when you need it to
As I paced back and forth all this time
Cause I honestly believed in you
Holding on
The days drag on
Stupid girl,
I should have known, I should have known

[Chorus:]
I'm not a princess, this ain't a fairy tale,
I'm not the one you'll sweep off her feet,
Lead her up the stairwell
This ain't Hollywood, this is a small town,
I was a dreamer before you went and let me down,
Now it's too late for you and your white horse to come around

Baby I was naive,
Got lost in your eyes
And never really had a chance
My mistake, I didn't know to be in love
You had to fight to have the upper hand
I had so many dreams
About you and me
Happy endings
Now I know

[Chorus:]
I'm not a princess, this ain't a fairy tale,
I'm not the one you'll sweep off her feet,
Lead her up the stairwell
This ain't Hollywood, this is a small town,
I was a dreamer before you went and let me down,
Now it's too late for you and your white horse to come around

And there you are on your knees,
Begging for forgiveness, begging for me
Just like I always wanted but I'm so sorry

Cause I'm not your princess, this ain't a fairytale,
I'm gonna find someone someday who might actually treat me well
This is a big world, that was a small town
There in my rear view mirror disappearing now
And it's too late for you and your white horse
Now it's too late for you and your white horse to catch me now

Oh, whoa, whoa, whoa
Try and catch me now
Oh, it's too late
To catch me now

*This song fit me last year. But this year I'm so thankful for the love I have now.